It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
