That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
