I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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