either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
