sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
