I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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