Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
