should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
