So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
