I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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