I'm lost and stupid without you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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