Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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