Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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