i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
