I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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