Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
