I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
