my sisters under your porch take her home
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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