This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
