i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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