She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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