ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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