Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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