Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
