My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
