Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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