But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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