We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
