i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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