I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He shit in the fireplace
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
