I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
