I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
