Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
