oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
