shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
