Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
