i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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