Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
