I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
