dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
