My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
