your thong is hanging out like whoa
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
