3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
