Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
