You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
