I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Vodka?
Forever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
