he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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