So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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