I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
