there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
