i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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