I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
